Dear The Bank,

Dear The Bank,

Today I received my new bank card in the mail.

Firstly, I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for your concern. I do appreciate the biennial card replacement service. After two years, my card has been well-worn through the regrettably constant, promiscuous stream of ATM and EFTPOS contact. I fear that after any more than two years, my card would be reduced to a piece of crumbling plastic, frayed and torn beyond recognition, perhaps even capable of unusual plastic biodegradation. In the lead-up to its February replacement, my card struggles to make a lasting, meaningful connection to even the kindest of EFTPOS receivers. Your care in replacing these cards is truly heartwarming.

However, I do have one pertinent question to ask you. Why, I mean why, have you made this year's uni cards so goddamned fucking ugly?



I mean, why? What confident, self-respecting ATM would want to accept the affections of a card so brutally unattractive? Even if in a drunken stupor, what kind of EFTPOS machine would so much as sleaze awkwardly onto a card so irredeemably grotesque? Really, what were you thinking?

Any assistance you could provide in this matter would be greatly appreciated.

Yours sincerely,
Ben.