Irresistible Sales Pitches.

Before I start, let me first acknowledge the bout of Contentiousness this blog has suffered for the last few days. Yes, no sooner was I (with great wit and maturity) comparing the technical drawing of an XLR cable to a penis, than suddenly the grand debates on Australian Indigenous policy were fixing their crosshairs right here. We're not sure how our healthy young blog caught such a vile illness, but the doctor has now contacted us and is satisfied with our progress, and so we can continue.

For today, I merely wish to show you three entirely uncontentious sales pitches. The first comes courtesy of the 2007 New Zealand local body elections, where Mike Padfield, one of 33 candidates for a place on the Counties Manukau District Health Board, offered voters the following heartwarming slogan:

A vote for Mike Padfield will ensure that Mike Padfield will always be the voice of the community.*

Who could want anything more from democracy?

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I also feel it is appropriate to share with you the festival sales pitch of the Lead Item, or the one item at a festival which will also serve as its major form of advertising. Here, from the Stockholm Furniture Fair, is Holy Shit. The cross-shaped toilet roll dispenser.

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And finally, just one exhibit of the journalistic sales pitch known as a Headline. Here are exerpts from an article in the English-language Swedish news service The Local headlined Police Get A Grip On Serial Masturbator:


"But the man continued with his manual labour from the cruiser's back seat."

"The man continued to feel his way around..."

"The man was known... for holding his own in different churches and public places."


Someone gets paid to translate these stories from Swedish to English, and frankly, that person may be a little bored at work.



*Sourced from Geoff Cumming, 'Big Money, Big Issues, Few Voters', in The New Zealand Herald, 6 October 2007. And Mr Padfield, if you're reading, please feel free to leave us a comment. It seems it might become fashionable.