Flirting, with disaster.

I am currently single. To be more specific, I just recently became single again. There's a difference between being single for a long time and coming out of a relationship; it's like the difference between being constantly short of money - where you'd like to have more but you're used to doing without - and losing a fortune on the stock market overnight. So now I am, as they say, back on the market (somewhere in the bargain bins, I'd say). This is a place I really don't want to be, mainly because it means I'm grouped amonst other singles, and it seems the accepted way for singles to interact is to flirt with one another. This is a problem for me, because I can't flirt to save my love-life.

I can't say I've practiced the art much; they say if you've got it, flaunt it, but I never thought I had so I don't. But even assuming I had the bravado to go up to a girl I fancied and try my hand at impressing her, I actually do not know how to flirt. More than that, I don't understand the concept. That is to say, while I get its purpose, and envy people who can do it, I can't grasp the fundamental principles. I have no idea how to select those words that are flatter, entice, tease, even test the boundaries a little, all while making the recipient feel as if they are the most important person in the room. I love talking to people, but I'm more likely to discuss politics than tell them they're wearing a fantastic dress. To me, going up to a girl in a bar and flirting would make as much sense as attempting to broker a corporate merger on the dancefloor.

More than the words, though, I'm fascinated by the way two people who know each other only a little settle into their corresponding roles. It takes two to flirt, after all, at least to do it properly. How do guys and girls figure out the correct level of back and forth that separates flirting from, well, sleazing onto someone? Maybe it's because I'm not a very rhythmic person (as anyone who has seen me dance can attest) that it impresses me so.

Then again, maybe I'm not the only one. Not everyone manages it successfully. One person's red-hot moves are another's sad blunders, and I doubt anyone has a 100% success rate. Which leads me to wonder if you can flirt by accident. After all, if you don't know what you're doing, you wouldn't realise if you somehow got it right; a million monkeys on type-writers will probably bash out at least one line of Shakespeare. Find me in the right mood, on the right night (and a few drinks inside me will help) and suddenly talking to a pretty girl doesn't seem any harder than talking to my oldest friends. I don't know what kind of effect this has, but I've never had a restraining order put out on me.

And I'm always encouraged by, and appreciative of, those people who don't play by the rules. I'll long cherish the night I spent at a bar, drinking with some new acquaintances, when one of them said to their neighbour, in the middle of a completely different conversation, "You have such gorgeous eyes!" True, it was a straight (and married) girl saying this to another girl, but the fact that the comment was entirely unexpected, and completely genuine, gave me such a wonderful warm feeling inside. Because I'll never be good at flirting, like I'll never be good at spot-welding. But there's always fun to be had when you meet the strange people that make up this world and take them as they are.